To be honest

Life is far from perfect.


After deciding to go all in on turning pro, 3 days later I had a pretty hard fall during a trail run. If you didn’t already see, I was running down a hill and a woman walking her 2 dogs was coming up. In order not to run over the pups, I pulled up short and went down hard. I didn’t think much of it. I immediately dusted myself off, assessed that I had some scrapes and bruises, and kept running. Stupidly, I went for a swim almost immediately after this. I heard a very distinct “POP” in my shoulder while swimming. It was not good.


In denial and hoping things would go away, I didn’t go to the doctor. But after being in constant pain for nearly 2 weeks, I finally went to a physical therapist (Four3 to be exact!). Thankfully, nothing was torn, but my rotator cuff was inflamed. Swimming was definitely off the table for at least 3-4 weeks. Biking hurt, running hurt, sleeping hurt. Everything hurt and it was not something I was used to.


My fragile demeanor shattered. After Kona, my wedding, and starting my job as a Head Coach for a brand new swim program last season, my triathlon off season had been anything from ideal. After coming off such an extreme high, I took some time off from training. After getting back into it, I got more sick than I have been in a really long time. As time went on, I patched together what I could but found myself stressed out, isolated, unmotivated and dare I say it, depressed. I gained weight and was not consistently training.


I think we all suffer from doubt, fear, and lack of motivation even in the pursuit of doing something we really want, love or dream of. In fact, in wanting something SO much we might actually actively do things to prevent those goals from happening due to abject fear of failure. Right when you get to that precipice on the abyss of what you want most, you yank back the reins for fear of falling over and making a fool out of yourself.


My world over the past few months have been some of the toughest to date to get through. It’s terrifying to admit when something is wrong, when we all put on this picture perfect lense of what we think our lives should look like to everyone around us. It may not look like anything is wrong on the surface, but who knows what is going on in someone else’s life or what they are going through. I am guilty of scrolling through other people’s Instagrams and Facebooks, and just finding myself inadequate. So I am here to admit that my life is not perfect, in fact far from it. Why do we feel the need to project this onto ourselves and to others?


There are aspects of my life I absolutely love, and other parts I find myself wishing were different. But don’t we all? The difference is in how you approach your every day life. In the people you choose to surround yourself with. Celebrate the things that you love, foster them, cherish them. Try to improve the things you don’t care for as much. At times, those things might be out of your control and you may need to get the heck out of a situation that is not healthy.


So it is time to change a few things for the better. To appreciate the things that are already pretty great even more. And one of those things I need to change is my outlook on my world in every day life.





2 thoughts on “To be honest

  1. Your post was just want I needed to read today. I am always comparing myself to others. They are thinner, faster, stronger than what I will ever be. Why do we do this to ourselves? One question that I have never been able to answer. I miss your posts. I need to write about my first race and my thinking why did I move up in distance.
    Love you!

    • Jen- I think you are one of the most honest people out there. You share the ups and downs of your life with your son. It’s not always easy, but we have to enjoy the good. We just have to love who we are and not compare ourselves to others. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” (Theodore Roosevelt) Hope you are doing well!

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